


Something Else to Call Him

by Dickpunchinghobbits



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, I’m funny I promise, M/M, Me doing everything possible to avoid saying penis, Ron loves Heinz Baked Beans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 03:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15855297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dickpunchinghobbits/pseuds/Dickpunchinghobbits
Summary: I’m a lesbo and idk how dicks work so sorry abt that :/.You shouldn’t read this unless you have a change of knickers





	Something Else to Call Him

“Do you remember me telling you that we’re practicing nonverbal spells today, Potter?” Snape uttered, grease from his hair rolling down his hooked, oily nose and directly onto Harry’s already throbbing crotch.  
“Y-yes..” Harry mumbled, barely containing a phat moan.  
“Yes, SIR!” Snape said, scowling as more grease dropped from his hair and ruined Harry’s notes.

His meaty peen bulging, Harry gained confidence, coming into his own like the dominatrix he is. “There’s no need to call me sir, professor.”  
A rather large beetle crawled up Snape’s nose as he flared his nostrils and succed up the air around him in fury.

“Detention, you cheeky little gimp!”  
“W-wait, I-“  
“Save it, sket. I’ll see you after curfew”

Harry didn’t need to be a Ravenclaw to know this was a dodgy time for detention, but his willy had deflated, and with it, had his confidence. Boner Woner, Harry’s classmate and renowned power bottom elbowed him, forcing Harry from his mournful reverie.  
“Chin up, ye dirty microwave, I’ll bet he wants some cheeky bum sex; everyone knows Snape’s a greasy wee slag! Besides, why else would he try and catch ye after curfew?”  
Harry became incredibly horny at this suggestion, and nipped to the loo for a quick wank.

The wank turned out not to be so quick, and Harry has to run to get to lunch before Ron ate all the Heinz Baked Beans; little cunt couldn’t be trusted to save some for anyone else, they were just too delicious.  
After gobbling up his beans, Harry dogged his last few lessons so he could shave his one ball in preparation for his potential shag with Snape. (Voldy removed the other ball and made it into an extra horcrux, but J.K never mentioned it because she didn’t think it was relevant.)

After his ball was shining like a fresh shaven egg, Harry had just enough time to feed his pet beetle, which was, for some reason, covered in Greasy Snape Snot™️.

Harry’s rock hard stoner boner knocked down any and all people within a 10ft radius as he galloped down to the dungeons like a graceful swan.  
Knocking on the potion master’s door, his sweat mingling with Snape’s greasy aura, Harry bust a teeny weeny nut just thinking about the events to come.

Snape was roused from munching his dinner, putting down his bottle of sunflower oil and gobbling up the last of his sausage roll.   
“Enter.” Snape commanded, sounding slimy through the thick wooden door.  
Harry tied his peen to his leg before shuffling through the door;  
“I-I’m here for the detention.” Harry whimpered, his willy throbbing in its confinement.  
Harry gasped in shock and arousal as Snape slammed his hands beside Harry’s shoulders, pinning him to the wall.  
“Tell me what you thought you were doing when you turned my own words against me, you dirty slag.” Snape pressed, sounding almost hopeful, Harry, the dense little sausage, wondered why.  
As Harry conjured his response, his arousal grew and the string tying his willy to his leg snapped, his erection now pressing against the wall at the back of the room.

“Why, Sevvy darling, I thought I’d made it clear,” Harry started gaining confidence, “Don’t call me sir, professor, call me Daddy ;))”   
Without responding, Snape promptly pulled down his knickers and plonked himself onto Harry’s sausage.   
“You have your mothers eyes. Seeing as I only tolerate you because I wanted to shag your mum, I might as well look into her eyes as I ride her son.” The greasy twat whispered, moaning sensually with every breath.  
Just as Snape lifted up his legs and started to pirouette like a pro ballerina on Harry’s ‘Little Ron’, Dumbledore burst into the room.

“What’s up fam my name’s Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore and welcome to another prank video!”   
Snape and Harry freezed, grease pouring onto the floor as Snape secreted it like a scared squid would ink.  
A camera snapped.  
“Oof this is going in my cringe compilation, adios hombres, have fun shagging I guess.”  
Dumbledore leaves, and Snape clambered off of Harry’s bulging meat sceptre.   
“You need to leave, I have another detention lined up.”  
Dejected, Harry tied up his peen and shuffled off.  
As soon as he rounded the corner, Boner Woner knocked on Snape’s door;  
“I-I’m here for the detention.”

**Author's Note:**

> Im sorry.


End file.
